Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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