you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We had to coat check the pizza.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
