Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
