when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
love makes seman taste better
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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