she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize