just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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