The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
