No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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