If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
