this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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