btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
