dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
