i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
