Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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