my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
