Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
