Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
