the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
40s are totally the cure
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize