Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think my moral compass just broke
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
