Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
im holly from the hills drunk
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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