it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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