franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize