you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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