i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
