I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Of course I have a pirate flag
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
