If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
