he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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