I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
