how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
