I hate all girls vehemently.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
