my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
