Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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