u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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