He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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