i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She bit a glass in half.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
