I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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