I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
