Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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