Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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