You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
