he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
pop tarts are not kleenex
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
