It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
