I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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