I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
