Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
