I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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