dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
