left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize