I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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