she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
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