Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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