I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
