there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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