Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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