I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
