So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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