Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
