one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
