Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
only you would photoshop your dick
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Randomize
