the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
