I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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