Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
