I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
