And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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