I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
