Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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