is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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