He told me they were just razor bumps!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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