when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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