the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
