Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize