I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
